Identifying Your Travel Stressor

Is your travel partner a pain in the butt?

Pressuring you out of the house an hour before you agreed to leave?

or does their driving scare you, but they justify it as 'making good time'?

Let me tell you - call an Uber or a Limo if it's just a ride to the airport or train station. They can pressure you all they want to, but it's not going to change what time the ride gets to you. This is one of the simplest things you can do to mitigate travel stress, both theirs and yours. I say theirs as well, because that rush they get over stressing for time, that surge of adrenaline, it's no longer necessary. Subsequently, their calm state is maintained as well.

Does your travel partner drive you nuts on the plane?

Has anyone ever told you that you don't have to sit by them on the plane. I know that sounds weird. And people who haven't been married for ten years will probably shake their heads at this, but if your travel partner makes you nuts and their antics or habits due to their own anxieties set off your anxieties then it can sometimes be best for you to sit apart. You would be surprised what two or three rows apart can do for your sanity level. Unfortunately with travel, you often remember the beginning of the trip either fondly or harshly, it's never a 'meh'. The first time you sit apart you'll probably have a bunch of feelings on the subject. But it's one of those things to try at least twice. Then go back to the other way. Compare your anxiety levels and see which one works for you. This obviously doesn't work for everyone, but for some it's exactly the answer.

Can I share with you it took me over 15 years of being married to my husband to figure why traveling with him was just not as enjoyable half the time. Yet, I would travel with my girlfriends and it was completely great. I would travel with our 6 year old, it was completely fine. What was the deal? Well, let me tell you what it took me 15 plus years to learn. I learned that every time I travel with my husband I have to put him in first class in the bulkhead seats or in economy in the bulkhead seats. He needs to be able to stretch out his legs. That's number one. Number two - I have to either schedule a limo to the airport OR be fully packed, showered, and practically sleep in my airplane clothes the night before knowing he will pressure me out of the house way earlier than necessary.

In a way just even knowing what I should do or being prepared for the alternative is a gift, it lets me reset my own expectations.

Is the airport stressful for you?

No problem, get the earliest flight out in morning or catch a redeye. Most people think of convenience first instead of comfort, when it comes to travel anxiety we have to flip that script and think of comfort first, comfort being that your anxiety won't get triggered. Traveling early morning, such as 7am or 8am means you are at the airport about 5am for a domestic flight, maybe 5:30am, the airport is usually quiet and security a breeze, especially when travelling on week days. By the way, the flights that are early morning and late night are usually less expensive as well.

Do airplanes bother you?

Totally understand. Pick a seat that will feel the best to you. This sounds like a serious common sense moment I know. But you'd be surprised.

Putting it simply, If you can't handle sitting by the window, please don't pick a window seat, pick the aisle. If you must have the window, then please choose the window seat. If you need to have a lot of leg room - forget about the exit row, try sitting in the bulkhead seats, you'll have the most leg room.

Still not making you feel better? Okay - easy enough. Let's talk about changing up the ideal. Before you dive head first for the anti-anxiety meds have you thought about taking a trip by train? Amtrak goes so many places in our country, yes it takes longer than a plane ride does BUT the major plus is that you can almost always get up and walk around, no worries about having to stay seated for long periods of time. For people with back issues where their backs seize up after sitting for too long this can be a great alternative to plane travel if staying domestic.

Do you have a weird feeling sleeping in a bed that's not yours?

I have a little trick I can share. Get yourself a special travel blanket. Something a little on the heavier side that folds up tight is ideal. The blanket comes on all trips.

It sounds silly until you realize that what most people miss when they travel isn't actually their mattress. It's familiarity. Hotels can have incredible beds and some people still toss and turn all night because nothing feels familiar. Having one item that always comes with you—a blanket, a pillowcase, even a specific pair of pajamas—can trick your brain into relaxing a little faster. Travel isn't always about luxury. Sometimes it's about convincing your brain that everything is okay.

Do you hate feeling rushed on vacation?

Then stop planning every hour of every day.

I know, I know. Social media makes it look like everyone is maximizing every second of their trip. Rope drop. Park hop. Excursion. Dinner reservation. Nighttime show. Repeat.

But some people don't enjoy vacations that are treated like a competitive sport.

If seeing three attractions in a day feels enjoyable to you, then see three attractions.

If your family needs an afternoon nap, take the nap.

If sitting by the pool for two hours sounds boring to your neighbor but wonderful to you, then congratulations—you've found the correct way to spend your vacation.

The goal isn't to get your money's worth. The goal is to enjoy yourself.

Sometimes those two things overlap. Sometimes they don't.

Does your travel partner vacation differently than you do?

This one causes more arguments than people realize.

One person wants to wander.

The other wants a plan.

One person wants to sleep in.

The other wants to be out the door at 7:00 a.m.

One person wants to eat at fancy restaurants.

The other would happily survive on snacks and tacos.

The mistake couples make is assuming there is one correct way to vacation.

There isn't.

Before the trip, ask each person what would make the vacation feel successful to them.

Not what they want to do.

What would make the trip feel successful.

The answers are often surprisingly simple.

"One nice dinner."

"A day with no schedule."

"A chance to read a book."

"A picture with the kids where everyone is smiling."

When you know those things ahead of time, you can usually make them happen.

Do you feel guilty spending money on travel?

You're not alone.

Many people spend months planning a trip and then spend the entire trip worrying about what everything costs.

The reality is that money spent on travel can feel different than money spent at home.

At home, spending $20 on lunch might feel normal.

On vacation, spending $20 on lunch can somehow feel irresponsible.

Try setting a realistic budget before you leave and then give yourself permission to spend it.

Not recklessly.

Not endlessly.

But intentionally.

Nothing ruins a vacation faster than feeling guilty every time you order dessert.

One last thing.

Your vacation does not have to be life-changing.

It doesn't have to heal your family.

It doesn't have to save your marriage.

It doesn't have to create perfect memories every minute of every day.

It's just a trip.

A wonderful trip, hopefully.

A memorable trip, hopefully.

But still just a trip.

Some moments will be amazing.

Some moments will be frustrating.

Someone will get tired.

Someone will get cranky.

Someone will probably complain.

And then you'll come home with stories.

That's normal travel.

In fact, that's usually the good kind.

Relax Poolside